I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
