Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
