I didn't shave. On purpose
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
