I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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