I hate all girls vehemently.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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