My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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