one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im part way to drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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