i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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