i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We have started to decorate penises.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
