my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
