goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
