even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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