if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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