Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
