I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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