wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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