you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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