I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
