You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
