in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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