I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
