just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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