If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
