what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
