Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
