im about as happy as oj after his trial
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
