If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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