he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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