i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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