why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
