im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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