You're so nebulous sometimes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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