You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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