P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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