New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
