can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
