Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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