how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
