He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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