I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
