she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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