So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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