is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
