my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
