We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
