it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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