He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
