What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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