i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
