you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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