I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
