Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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