just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
