he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
