Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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